I understood the want and need to be her mother, I had taken care of her and been her mother. I may not have given birth to her, but she was in all sense my child. We had bonded. It was not what I wanted to do, keep a child from her mother, but she choose to leave, what if she did it again. Who suffers, not her, Amy would, it was not fair to do that. And she did not know her. Which was not my fault.
Ben talked and she listened. She had rights, but she had also signed her daughter over to me, we had to do this the right way. It was not what I wanted to hear. We had to do what was best for Amy, I agreed on that.
We made arrangements for Mary to spend an hour with her at a centre, I was not allowed to attend, or was her husband, it was to see if they had a bond, I had no idea what to expect. The meeting at the centre was for two days time. I would take her there and leave, I was not sure I could do it. My heart raced at the thought. Ben walked me out, and took my hand, telling me it would be okay, she would be watched the whole time. I thanked him and removed my hand from his, not that it was not nice, but he was my lawyer.
"Sorry, after all this is over, I am taking you out."
"When we win, I am taking you and Amy out for the day."
"Do you do that for all your clients in this situation?"
"Olivia, come on, you know I like you, but until this is over, I have to keep my personal feelings under wraps."
"You are doing a very good job of that," I said, and shook my head. Rihanna was right, her brother did like me, but did I like him? He was good looking, from what I could tell he had a six pack under that tight shirt and I could see a small amount of hair on his chest. I was not sure how I felt about a hairy chest. I shuddered.
"Are you cold, lets grab a coffee and get you back to Amy."
I nodded, and pretended that it was feeling cold the thought of his bare chest. Or running my hands along it, I had to stop myself. I had not thought like that about a guy for a long time, he was staring at me, as we climbed into his car.
The coffee tasted bitter, but I hardly noticed as we chatted, about everything, but Amy and my sister. Once we drank the coffee we made our way to Rihanna's house. Amy ran towards me, arms up. She hugged me, we were rarely apart.
"Missed you my little Angel," I said, hugging her. How could I let her go, if my sister won, I would fall apart and nothing would make me feel alive again.
"You don't have anything to worry about, Olivia, Mary won't get her back."
"She is her mother, I know that she will, I just need time to prepare myself and Amy."
"No, don't think like that, Olivia, I mean it," Ben said sternly.
I nodded, I would try, but I knew my sister, once she put her mind to something she usually won. I would fight her, but her being the birth mother, that was all she needed to say.
The next morning, Ben drove us to the centre, we were ushered into a small room, where Ben talked to me and another lady entered. She sat with Amy, who immediately ran to me and hugged my leg.
"We have to take her now, she needs to come with me, and spend time with her mum."
"Mummy," Amy squealed holding on tighter. To her, I was her mum. The tears I had held back, fell, I quickly wiped them away, she did not need to me cry. I had to be strong, choked back the tears and told her, to go with the lady, I would be here and see her soon.
That was it, she was gone, I could hear her crying all the way down the hall, it was then I broke down. I could not move, my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. How would I cope if I lost her forever. I could not think about it. Ben held me. We were meant to leave, but there was no chance, once I heard her cries, they were still echoing against the walls. I told Ben I was not leaving. He sat me down, told me he would go check she was okay, the door opened, the cries were louder, she was screaming. I wanted to run to her, but knew I had to stay. For her sake I had to stay. If I wanted to keep her I had to stick to the rules. I did my best to hold myself together. The screaming grew louder, closer. Did she escape and was finding her way back to me. The door opened, and Ben entered, carrying Amy, she was sobbing and screaming uncontrollably. The moment she saw me, she flung herself at me, the sobbing unable to stop, I did my best to calm her. I sat with her, rubbing her back. The tears falling onto my back and creating spots where they landed.
Ben sat beside me.
"It didn't go well, Mary is kicking off, saying you have made her hate her."
"I would never do that."
"I know, but the moment the lady tried to hand her over, she screamed louder. I am sorry to say this is not the end of it. We have to try again, you need to settle her, we have to be seen as trying."
"I will try, but I can't keep doing this to her, look at her, she was scared. I did not do that, she has no idea who Mary is. It is not my fault she never came to visit us. She could have, she could have come to us when mum died, instead she chose to leave and move to Spain to get married."
"I know, and that does not look good, but she is still her mother, and we have to at least be seen as if we are trying."
What was this we, we as in partners, or my lawyer? I was scared, as much as Amy was, I did not want to lose her. I carried to her to the car, my sister was outside, her husband was holding her. She was crying, it had to be hard for her too, her own child scared of her. I felt bad for the whole situation, but I could not let myself think that way, she was either really upset, or a bloody good actress.